


Thantophobia

by CallMeAlessandra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, F/M, Happy Ending, Love, Pain, Protective Kylo Ren, Rescue, Reylo - Freeform, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 07:25:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeAlessandra/pseuds/CallMeAlessandra
Summary: Thantophobia - The fear of losing someone you love deeply.Kylo Ren knew hatred. Kylo Ren knew rage. Kylo Ren knew anger.Ben Solo knew loneliness. Ben Solo knew abandonment. Ben Solo knew pain.Love, he never came to experience until his scavenger came along and ripped his beating heart out of his chest. Along with love, something else came, that Kylo never experienced before. Fear. Groundless, echoing fear to lose the woman, that betrayed him. When her voice breaks through the bond, pleading for him to make the pain stop, his heart was broken twice. He would burn down the galaxy to save her.





	Thantophobia

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren sat on his black throne, his mind blank, his eyes unfocused. He was tired. His bones felt heavy, his eyes swollen from nights brooding over battle plans and strategies, his oh so high decorated generals and commanders presented him with. Five months since the battle of Crait, the death of Skywalker and the rise of the Jedi. The rise of hope. Five months it took her to tear him down and five months it took her to become the glistening ray of hope for the resistance and everyone around her. Five months it took Hux to triple the bounty on her head. Five months, it took Kylo Ren to realize, that her betrayal did not hurt as much as being separated from her. During the night, when he was alone in the darkness of his private quarters, he cursed himself for pressuring her. He should have known… he should have known she would decide against it. If he had just promised the fleet to pass and her friends to live, at least for a while, she would have accepted. He felt how torn she was, the pull towards him was so strong, she could barely stop herself from denying herself it but then, then she remembered her friends. The people Kylo despised the most and were so important to her. His little scavenger. His ray of sunlight.  
The bond has closed the moment the door slammed right into his face. She managed to block him and even with his greatest effort, his darkness was not able to penetrate her light. A raging possessiveness drove through him, just by the mere thought, that she held him away with full intention, while she shared all her little thoughts with the traitor and the pilot. And his mother.  
But then, when night breaks across the Star Scream, the new flag ship of the First Order, the bond comes to life roaring. Kylo shot up in his silken sheets, his naked chest covered in sweat and he is panting.  
“No… no, please, it hurts! It hurts so much!”  
Her thoughts are so loud and pain, so sharp and sudden it takes his sight and breath away, explodes in his chest.  
“No! Oh God… Ben, please, help me! Oh Force, hurts so much…!”  
He writhes in his bed and claws at his chest. Fear grips him hard and doesn’t let go. Rey, he thinks, someone hurts her. Endless, blinding rage drowns him. The black tide breaks over him and pulls him down, deep into the darkness.  
“Ben… please, Ben… help me!”  
And then the bond breaks and the connection is lost. The pain subsides and Kylo can breathe again. He lays in the darkness of his private quarters and all he knows is, that he will burn down the entire galaxy to save her.  
Rey, hold on, I’m coming for you. He sends the thought towards her, along the frail bond, that is so thin, it’s barely there. Kylo holds on, because he knows, if he loses that tiny thread, he will lose Rey. Maybe forever. 

Rey doesn’t remember how exactly she ends up, where she is. It’s all a blur of fire, smoke and blood. All she knows is, that Poe, Finn and a few other resistance fighters are busy with destroying an armory outpost of the First Order, when the bounty hunters shoot her out of the sky. The crash leaves her broken and battered with shattered ribs and a bleeding head. Rey manages somehow to crawl out of the wreckage but in the next second, she doesn’t see her attacker thanks to the blood dripping into her eyes, something hits her in the head and her world fades into black. That’s when she woke up hours later, strapped into a chair like the one Ben had tied her down in. The bounty hunters, cruel humans, saw their chance to get the bounty for her head and also information about the resistance that would bring even more money.  
Rey wants to be brave, she tries to use the force and a hot burning pain shoots up her arms. Force restricting cuffs. She was helpless. Terror washes over her and she tries to stay levelheaded amongst the panic that fills her from head to toe. The leader, a tall not so much human man, with leathery skin, broken teeth and a somehow sharp forehead, steps closer to her. He has a broken accent, rough and sharp and he rolls the ‘r’ with a sharp ring to it.  
“The mighty Jedi.” He taunts and walks around her. “Just a little girl.”  
Rey doesn’t answer. She looks everywhere, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with him. He stops in front of her.  
“Where is the resistance basis?” He waits. She is silent. He sighs. “Fine. Bring the kraken.” He orders over his shoulder and a man with equally leathery skin hurries out of the room, only to return with something black in his hand. He hands the device to his leader. He holds the thing in front of her nose. “Do you know what this is, Jedi? No?” He waits with a mocking raise of his bushy brows. “This little thing here, well, even I would like to avoid having it on me.”  
Rey felt tears sting in her eyes, the black thing was tiny, it had the size of a teacup and it was no thicker than a handbook. She knows this is going to hurt and she prepares mentally for the pain that was about to come.  
“Last chance.” He says and his breath stinks. “Tell me, where the base is and I won’t use this thing here.” He sighs. “Well, don’t tell me in the end, I didn’t offer it.”  
He slaps the thing so hard into her chest, the breath is knocked out of her and with a high screech, the black thing comes to life. Tendrils shoot out of it and with a horrible sound, they disappear within her chest and dig deep. Rey screams when the pain hits. 

It takes him exactly twenty minutes to get his ship ready. Of course, Hux the slimy rat is already on his tale, despite the nightly hour. Kylo knew the ginger haired general has spies on his heels twenty-four hours the day, yet at the moment he couldn’t care less. With a push of the force, the general is wiped out of his path and Kylo ventures into the brightness of his ship. All he can think about it the pain that wrecked his body only moments ago and her voice, pleading and screaming for his help. He had sworn himself to let go of her, every night over and over again, he swore to himself it would be the last time he was thinking about her and yet, he broke every single vow. He is not the supreme leader now, he is not Kylo Ren nor is he Ben Solo, all he is right now, is a man driven by the fear of losing something he can’t live without.  
His mic comes to life and he hears voices, Hux, and turns it off with a flick of his finger. The silence is deafening and he prays to the force, that he finds her in time. Kylo has no idea where to start searching for her, where she was when she was captured… He roars so loud, his lungs burn from the sound and he is out of breath. He needed to get to her, or she would- no… no!  
He does what he has to do. It’s the only way. He doesn’t hesitate when he pushed the signa blocker down and turns on the open frequency. He hears the white noise but the silence in his head is louder. He knows, she will hear it. Of course, the clever general will not leave an opportunity like this open.  
“General Organa, General, this is Kylo Ren. I wish to speak to you.” The white noise stays white and he grits his teeth. A muscle in his jaw twitches. “General Organa, answer. I know you are there.” But the transponder stays quiet. “General Organa, answer me. I wish no harm towards you at the moment. Please, General… mother.” The words tumble from his lips, before Kylo can stop himself. It feels wrong to call the woman mother.  
“Ben, I’m here.”  
A shock jolts through him and he immediately presses down the communication button. “Where is Rey?”  
“I am not telling you-,”  
“She is in pain!” He screams into the transponder. “Mother, where. Is. She?!”  
The noise returns and he wants to rip his hair out in frustration. “Mother, please!” He roars now, no longer able to control himself for even a split second. Can’t lose her… can’t lose her. “Tell me what happened!”  
“Ben, listen closely. Rey is not here. Her fighter was shot down and someone took her from the wreckage. We are searching for her, but we have no lead who took her or where they took her.”  
“Where?” he seethes between gritted teeth.  
“Luxar.”  
Kylo immediately cuts the connection and turns to the control panel. He punches in the coordinates of the meager planet and jumps into hyperspace. 

“Won’t… survive… don’t…”  
“Not telling… First…”  
“Not useful… dead…”  
Everything hurts. The world is just a blur of nothing around her. The thing on her chest has stopped sending endless waves of excruciating waves of pain through her body but… oh God… she can feel the tendrils inside of her. The made their path through her flesh and organs. Rey can feel them around her lungs and her heart and everything that is vital to the body. She knows she will die at this rate. She is heavily injured. The internal damage is the worst. The broken ribs and collarbone are long forgotten, even though it hurts incredibly, having all her weight carried on her shoulders, the way her arms are bound outstretched to her sides. Her legs gave out long ago and she was only hanging by her wrists and her broken bones. The mercenaries are whispering somewhere behind her, Rey can’t find the strength to even lift her head. And then warmth spreads inside of her, like a soothing balm calming down the raging pain. It is a single thought that is not her own. Rey, hold on, I’m coming for you. Ben. She sobs quietly. Did she call to him during the torture? She can’t remember. All Rey knows is one thing. He’s coming for me.  
“Ah, look who’s awake. Must leave you that, girly, you’re a pretty tough shit. Most men who had the kraken on them sang to me within ten seconds.” The leader grips her hair, which tumbled down her shoulders, now free of the usual buns and rips her head back. Pain flares and Rey cries out in agony. “Where is the rest of the resistance. Come on, I don’t want to kill ya, never liked the idea of hurting women. You know, even a scumbag like me can have a codex.”  
Rey sees the black stick that dangles from his thick neck only inches from her face. It’s some sort of switch for the horrible thing on her chest, she learned so much but her brain was so foggy, she could barely grasp a clear thought.  
“Nah, you’re not thinking about escaping, are you?” He said, he caught her staring at the chain. “Girly, I’m gonna tell you somethin’, alright? If you tell me where the resistance base is, I’m going to take the kraken off of you and I’m generous, I’ll even let you escape and won’t hand you over to the First Order.”  
Finn, Poe, Leia, Chewie, Finn, Poe, Leia, Chewie… it was like a mantra in her head. She couldn’t betray them. They were her family and she would ultimately die for them. She was ready to die for them already fighting against Snoke, when she turned on Ben… oh God, how much she had wanted it all to end. It hurt to be apart from him. It was tearing her apart in whole different way than the kraken did right now.  
With a huff, the leader let go of her hair and stepped back. “Alright, if that’s how you want to play. Turn it on.”

In the middle of the ruins of the armory outpost of the First Order, Kylo Ren was brought down to his knees, when another wave of pain crashes into him like the bowcaster did. He drops down and holds his chest, screaming out her pain. They were doing it again… whatever they did to cause this kind of pain to her, they did it again and he wanted to commit murder. He would, as soon as he holds her in his arms and knows she is safe with him. He could feel her tears as if they were his own... oh, sweetheart, just a little longer, I promise you. Just hold on a little longer, love.  
He can’t stay still now, he needs to move on, he needs to find her and then end the endless pain, that she is in. With a cry of pure determination, Kylo gets back onto his feet and walks down the destroyed armory. A few stormtroopers had survived the attack and immediately recognized him, jumping out of his way.  
One of them, the captain, came running towards him and salutes. “Supreme Leader, we did not expect you! We know the Jedi was amongst them, we were unable to bring her under our control. Mercenaries-,”  
“Where are they?” He growled, beneath his mask. “Where did they take her?”  
“We- we don’t know, Sir. They shot her fighter down and she was taken from the wreckage, before we could interfere. I am most certain she will be-,” The captain stuttered. “We- we guess they took her to an old bountyhunter outpost, on Lunar Mar-,”  
Kylo was already gone, before the captain could end his phrase. The outpost is on a desert planet, with no suns and it’s old and rotten but Kylos can already pick up a signal on the planet. He instinctively knows, she’s down there. He can feel her force signature, that was once a bright light is reduced to a small flicker in the force. He is not silent, he is not secretive, he crashes into the orbit of the planet and barely stops himself from crashing his ship directly into the outpost. He will obliterate that thing as soon as he has his Rey back and safe on his ship. The mercenaries are already waiting for him outside, with their guns posed at him. As soon as they recognize his dark silhouette, they lower their guns, obviously thinking he will take their prisoner and give them the wanted bounty. Kylo enjoys the sheer terror on their faces, when he ignites his saber and tears through their bodies. 

Her body is wrecked with pain, she screams but there is no sound coming from her, her throat is so raw. She can’t even fight anymore, all she does is tremble under the force of the agony, flooding her body. Then she hears it. The screams and she imagines the crackle of his red, dangerous saber. The angry, flickering blade that killed his father. All of the sudden, the pain stops and the leader gets to his feet.  
“What the fuck is going on out there?”  
Before his men can go and check, the door crashes open and splinters beneath the force of whatever hit the thick metal. It was a wave of energy rolling through the entire room. It was dark and full of hate. Rey could barely see anything, her sight was unfocused but the dark, hulking body that charged into the room, she would recognize everywhere. Ben. He truly came for her. She cannot hold her tears back any longer. Rey realized for the first time, she did not cry over the course of her ordeal, but now the tears flowed free and unhinged. The mercenaries scream and then it’s over. Rey hears the distant voice of his mask and then he is in front of her. Large hands cup her cheeks as gently as possible and she sees his eyes and Rey knows, she is not imagining things. He is really here.  
“Ben…” her voice is nothing but a broken whisper.  
“Shh, don’t talk, I’ve got you, love, I’ve got you.”  
He growls when he sees the blood-soaked front of her tunic and gasps, when he realizes, what that thing did to her body.  
“Love, look at me,” Ben tilts her head back, but she can barely focus on him. “Rey, sweetheart, I know- I know it hurts, how can I get this thing out of you?”  
He slightly shakes her head to keep her with him and she winces. She hears his words but cannot answer, it’s all so far away and she is damn tired. It’s her last fragment of strength and she coughs “Key… necklace.”

It takes Kylo not more than a second, before he rips off the simple metal chain with the black stick from the former mercenary. He eyes the device on Rey’s chest with disgust. He works quickly, putting the stick on top of it and it gives a horrible mechanic screech, before Rey convulses again and the black thing falls to the ground with a heavy clank of metal. Now he can see the entire extent of her injuries. Her chest is black and blue, the skin is sprinkled with bruises from the internal damage she has suffered. He can see that her left collarbone is set in an awkward angle against the skin from inside and she has a large cut right across her forehead. Rey is covered in blood and bruises and it makes him sick to the stomach. I’ll destroy her. His own words ring in Kylos ear and he can only shake his head about his own blindness. Not in his life, would he be able to ever hurt her again. He was such a fool. The force bonds around her wrists hold her up and he makes quick work of them too, before she collapses in his arms. She is breathing irregular and flat, her chest must be filled with blood by now. Another hour and she would have been dead, even now looking at her, he was not sure if she would survive. The next ship of the First Order was miles away and he would never get her to the medical in time. They didn’t have a med station on Luxar… He knew what he had to do. It was crystal clear to see now, like the sun or the moon. It was no longer a grey line he did not know which side to walk on.  
He cooed to her and stroked her head while he picked her up as carefully as he could. Rey whimpered and cried in his arms and each tear shattered his heart. While he walked towards his ship, with his love close to his chest, he was no longer Kylo Ren. He was Ben Solo.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone who dared to enter this little story!^^ My name is Alessandra, I am from Germany and I enjoy writing and reading the amazing stories on Ao3 immensely. I am completely new to Ao3, but posted on FFN since 2013, so, here I am.  
> I am a huge Reylo shipper ever since TFA and I can’t hold my Reylo feelings ever since watching TLJ in December. I hope you all enjoyed this part, there will be part 2 I just decided while finishing writing this sentence.^^ So, um, subscribe and of course, tell me what you think.


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